Today is better

Yesterday I was pretty low. After a few days of Scott feeling terrible and no answers I let myself get out of control with worrying. Today is much better. Scott is feeling a little bit better and we saw the medical team today. Those nurses are amazing! They really care about us and are trying to make sense of Scott's symptoms and figure out what to do.

Right now they think all of his current problems may be the result of his immunosuppressant drug levels getting too high. That can cause kidney damage, the elevated EBV levels, the low white cell counts and other smaller issues. Hopefully they are right because that is simple to deal with - lower his doses. His one med was lowered on Monday and he is already feeling a bit better. They lowered another one today and talked about getting a special authorization to switch to a new drug with less side effects that is not approved for general use in Canada yet.

It always helps me to think that something is being done. I like a plan. I think my problem the last few days was that I was standing by, helpless, watching Scott be sick and not doing anything about it except internet research. That didn't help Scott or me at all. It probably made it worse for me. There's no need to worry about what may happen when the present is difficult enough.

Thanks to everyone who cares about us, sent messages, commented and prayed for us. I know my post yesterday was pretty depressing. Some days are like that but most are much better. I do feel that Scott is going to be fine, we'll work out the present issues and enjoy life. Even if I'm wrong it doesn't help to sit here and waste energy on worrying about what I can't control. Today IS a better day.