2010

It's a new year! Wow, 2009 was one never to be forgotten. Nearly half of 2009 was spent in the hospital for Scott and running back and forth from the hospital for me. It was a year of blessings. Scott received the greatest gift - a new heart. We are truly humbled by it. We were supported by the countless prayers and acts of service from so many. We were literally held up. I feel like I had my darkest moments and my greatest triumphs - all in a short period of time. I only need to remember what I almost lost to be grateful for every little part of life - including the difficult and mundane. I've gotten to know many good people through this experience and become closer to others. I can look back now with a little perspective and realise the good that has come from this difficult experience. I haven't decided I could do it again but I can say that I'm glad we got through it!

Happy New Year Everyone!


What a year!

Christmas Shoes

Have you ever seen the movie "The Christmas Shoes"? I have. I'll never forget it.

Last year, during the entire holiday season - from a month before Christmas to a month after New Years Scott was waiting in the hospital on the heart transplant list. Every day I spent some time at the hospital, sometimes going back and forth more than once. The hardest times were when I had to leave Scott at the hosptial at about 9pm so that the babysitter could get home at a reasonable hour on a school night. I would come home to a quiet house with all the kids in bed. It was a very lonely time. I would often watch a little TV to keep my mind from going places I didn't want it to go.

One of these evenings I happened to turn the channel to a made for TV Christmas movie. I hadn't seen it before and it had already started. At first I didn't know the background of the characters but I quickly became interested. There was a young teacher/mother who was sick. I soon realised she had heart failure and was waiting for a heart transplant. I became fixated on this show as I was desperate to see a happy ending beacuse I was hoping to have my own any day.

I watched as this young woman got "the call" and her family had the excited, anxious experience of getting ready for a new heart at the hospital. Every night I would carefully put the phone beside my bed hoping that it would ring in with the news that there was a heart for Scott. In this movie, however, the call turned out to be a "dry run". That meant that something happened with the donor heart making the doctors choose not to use it. I felt so disappointed! I had been worrying about a dry run myself.

Now the wait continued for this woman and her family. She got sicker and sicker. I sat on my couch feeling devastated as this poor woman's husband and son brought her home to care for her during her last days. I sobbed and sobbed but could not turn it off. On Christmas Eve the young woman quietly passed away. Watching this was a small preview to my worst fears. I cried for a long time.

Thankfully my story had a different ending. "The call" came. It wasn't a dry run and it was, after a long difficult recovery, successful. My children and I still have our dad and husband. We didn't have to bring him home to live out his last days with us. After the feelings a fictional experience of losing someone produced I'm very grateful that I haven't experienced them yet. Hopefully it will be at least 30 or 40 years before that ever happens!

Please talk to your family! Tell them how much you love and appreciate them! We never know when our time is up. Take time to enjoy what you have now. If you have a chance to watch "The Christmas Shoes" make sure you have a box of Kleenex handy. You'll need it!

Milestones

We have hit a few milestones recently. Scott has gone back to work part-time. That is a huge blessing for us. I like having Scott home but he needs something to do. He needs to contribute, be busy, and use his skills. I'm sure it won't be too long before he's back to full-time hours.

Scott is also going to his last supervised physiotherapy session next week. He has joined a gym and is working out regularly on his own. His muscles are getting stronger and his endurance is great!

Last week he had another biopsy that showed zero rejection. YAY!! He hasn't had a "zero" for many months now. He feels great. He now has the privileges of taking out the garbage, shoveling the snow, putting up the Christmas lights and doing small home repairs. It's not like he never did those things before but now it's quite easy for him so I don't feel guilty asking him to do them.

A few weeks after our youngest child was born 3 and half years ago our new neighbours were not impressed to see me mowing the lawn so soon after giving birth. It was a difficult task for Scott to do and I didn't mind so I did it. They did give poor Scott a hard time about it until they heard of his heart condition. Next spring will be a great change. I have a few yard projects in mind to keep Scott busy!

I've also been thinking back to last Christmas season. I spent many days and evenings at the hospital visiting Scott. Many family and friends took care of the kids during that time. We were completely spoiled with gifts - some anonymous - which added many smiles and laughter to that dark and difficult time. Someone wrapped all of my presents for me, friends drove my kids everywhere almost daily, and many other acts of love and kindness were received by us. I received many cards and emails of encouragement that supported me as well. Again I am feeling so overwhelmed with gratitude.

I am so happy and thankful right now! I know that it is through all of the love and prayers by so many that we have made it through this last year. Thank-you!

Happy Birthday Scott!

Today is Scott's birthday. We have so much to celebrate! Some people groan at the thought of birthdays and getting older but I think each year that we have on earth with our families is something to cheer about and be thankful for! I've never been more grateful for a birthday than this one for Scott. I really wasn't sure he would make it to 38 early this year.

Last year on Scott's birthday we had to be at the hospital early in the morning for Scott to have a hernia repair - minor surgery. It was a LONG day but he came home that evening. It was a pretty crappy birthday! For the next 3 days after the surgery Scott felt absolutely awful! He hardly moved. Finally, he was feeling so bad that he went to the emergency. We found out his kidneys were shutting down due to low cardiac output and he was put on very serious IV heart medication. That was day one of 6 months in the hospital! The hernia operation was "the apple that tipped the cart" for Scott's heart. So every birthday without a surgery is a good one now!

I think I'll always be grateful and happy for each birthday from now on. I only have to consider the alternative - NOT living another year.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SCOTT! I'm so happy you're still here!

Good Biopsy and H1N1 Panic

Another biopsy is done. It was a 1R. That is good but not fantastic. A 1R means the rejection is better but not completely gone. So the steroids are lowered slowly. Poor Scott and those steroids. It's much better than losing heart function though.

I feel like we're in the middle of the H1N1 panic. It's bad enough when everyone is healthy but when I live with an immune- suppressed person I'm much more edgy. Most of my life I've been pretty easy-going about my family's health, vaccines, doctor's appointments etc. Now, after what I've seen this last year of ICUs, breathing tubes, septic infections, surgeries, and near-death experiences I will do nearly ANYTHING to avoid them - especially a little poke in the arm for my family.

Yesterday we lined up for 3 hours for the H1N1 flu shot. It wasn't too bad. My arm hurts a lot though. Can you believe I'm such a wimp!? I've heard of many people with ILI(influenze-like illness) and so far we've been lucky. Hopefully the vaccines will kick in before we're exposed. I don't usually follow all of the media hype but this time I find myself very interested in every statistic and every opinion.

Have I turned into "that person"? The germophobic, self-isolating, overprotective mom/wife? Maybe a little. I have to give myself a little credit though. We're all still alive - and pretty happy. I might be a little neurotic for a few weeks but it's pretty much a result of a stressful, difficult year. At least I still let my kids go to school...most days:)

Letters to the Donor Family

I've been wanting to blog about a delicate subject: The person and their family who donated so that Scott could have his new heart. I've been reading about other transplant recipient's experiences and I want to share a little about our experience. I want to respect the donor family's privacy by not putting details out publicly but I also want to share what a wonderful experience it has been to communicate.

We have received 3 letters from the donor's mother. I have written 2 letters, Scott has written a letter and the kids have sent notes and pictures. The H.O.P.E. program facilites the exchanges so we don't send or receive things directly.

It is very humbling to hear from this mother who still feels such pain and loss. It is sometimes difficult to know that our extremely positive event came from someone's VERY negative event.

We know that the donor was a young woman. Her mother has shared with us some of her good qualities. We know she loved children, she had a good relationship with her family and was very loved. She was strong and healthy before a sudden, tragic event.

I do know that writing to this family has been positive on both sides. I'm very sorry that this family has experienced so much pain and suffering. We feel connected to someone we don't even know. It has been reconfirmed to us that there are good, kind people out there who give without receiving anything in return - just because they know it will help someone. The donor's mother has told us that the knowledge of her daughter's gift helping our family has brought her "joyful tears" and smiles. She said that our letters have meant a lot to their family and knowing the difference their gift has made does help them.

I'm grateful for the opportunity to communicate with this family. I'm grateful for the letters we've shared. Sometimes I would like to look them in the eye, give them a hug and let them see with their own eyes our family and the difference their gift has made. The laws here don't allow for that so I can be satisfied with the letters.

I hope anyone reading this post will think about organ donation and choose to talk to their family members about their wishes. Organ donation saves lives and families. It has saved ours.

Ups and Downs

The last 3 days have been quite eventful. I know I haven't updated in a long time. That is because things have been going quite well. We met with the nephrologist this week and she said Scott is doing great and she doesn't need to see him at all anymore!! Then Scott had a biopsy and clinic appointment with the transplant team. We discussed Scott going back to work as early as next week part-time! We also discussed Scott finally getting off the prednisone(a steroid) after 8 months. He started with at least 50mg/day and was down to 2.5mg/day. If the biopsy results were good they told us he could go down to ZERO!!!! It was a good appointment.

The next day we took a trip to Edmonton. We haven't been there since Scott was transfered back to Calgary over 6 months ago. At that time Scott was barely taking a few steps with a lot of help. He was bloated from his kidney failure. He was still suffering from sleep deprivation and hallucinations. His legs looked like a Halocaust surviver's. His hair had fallen out in places and he stilll had a lot of tubes. In other words he looked pretty bad.

We had the opportunity to see the surgeon, the Berlin Heart doctor, the transplant coordinator, a transplant cardiologist and some of the CvICU staff. They all said they wouldn't have recognized Scott on the street. Thank goodness!! He is a normal, walking, pink, non-bloated regular-hair guy now. It was a great experience to see their smiles and let them know that we appreciate their hard work in keeping Scott alive - because it was hard work!!! We also had a tour of the new units in the new Mazankowski Heart Institute. The new CvICU was SOOO much nicer than the old one. Individual rooms, windows, healing gardens... Oh well, I guess I'm glad we didn't wait an extra 6 months to be able to benefit from the new building.

After that good experience we were able to visit with some family, enjoy time together and attend the temple for the first time together in over a year! We were having a great trip. Then came the bad news. We received the phone call. Biopsy results. Rejection! Not the worst - a 2R. A 3R would be worse. But the dream of ending the prednisone is dashed! Now Scott must take 100mg of prednisone for the next few days then he gets to start the weaning process all over again. We were at 2.5mg!!!! Now the side affects again. Swollen face, pimples, mood swings, bone loss, high blood sugar, etc. etc... I think the weaning process is quicker this time - at least that's what I hope. Now I'm not sure about going back to work. I'm not sure what all of this means. When you get biopsy results late Friday afternoon we just start the new drug regimen and wait until next week for many answers. I do know another biopsy will be scheduled in 3 weeks. Hopefully the rejection is thwarted by the nasty prednisone and life can get back to normal again. But for now the roller coaster continues...